guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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