you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
accomplished twins. life is a go
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Randomize
