I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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