Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She needs sedatives and a leash
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
