I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
