Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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