I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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