i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
