It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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