i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
