i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
