where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
