Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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