Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
