I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
