eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
