You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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