I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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