Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ladies don't puke and tell
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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