we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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