Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize