Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
