I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
