there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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