Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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