I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
