Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
