What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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