Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
