I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
