just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
