I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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