At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
