phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Let's paint friendship bongs
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
