Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
