Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
