I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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