dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
