he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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