Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
