babies were throwing up all over the place
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
