I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
