every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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