I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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