so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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