what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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