Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize