So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
