I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
