I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
