He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
