She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
