Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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