I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
