; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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