I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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