Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
