this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
