grandma shit on top of the toilet
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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