Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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