he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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