yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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