Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
