Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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