The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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