I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
