Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
