No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
