Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
