he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
